Huh?

Leaving on a xet plane

2005-05-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

hmm...well I am consolidating my posting...so i get more readership on xanga....or at least more post so from now on for posts by me check out

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=paultanner

that is all

Happy mom's day

2005-05-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

My mom reads my blog....so Happy Mothers Day!!!!

this blog is not about me its about my friend jeremy denton and why he is one of my best friends in the world:

1. Makes owning a cell phone pointless - JD "voicemail what's that?" one time I called him and I couldn't leave a message cause his inbox was full, and you have to call at least four times on average, leaving a message each time, until he gets back to calling you, actually having him answer his cell phone is like winning the lottery

2.Sometimes he can't find his car- JD"I think I left it at work??? I hope I left it at work?? " I talked to him the other night and he was like, man i have to go get my car, and I was like ok, and he was like yeah, I think I have left it there for two days straight, I mean I was at work and I think I saw it but I took the train home, pedestrian persuasion

3.He can't find my house on the first try ever - JD "so what if I have been there ten times....shut up..stop laughing...tell me how to get there now!!!" my favorite call went like this...ummm do you live downtown? cause that's where I am ....and I was like nope....gotta turn around" and then my friend noj and jd left from jd's house to travel a route jd has traveled before and the noj beat him here, never having traveled the route, and jd at least three times

4. We stimulate one anothers imaginations...and that is a scary yet awesome sight....something that can't be described...its like spontaneous combustion...think my blog, but on steroids....

5. JD is a rocking artist and one day he will be famous...I intend to hold onto his shirtails until he drags me up with him....spotlight here I come....

that is all in a nutshell...plus he is addicted to mongolian bbq just like me...and together we eat............

PT

long overdue ramblings

2005-04-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

Eric Peters Rules......

go to www.ericpeters.net listen to his music, buy his cd.........

ok so enough shameless promotion......we will now return to your regularly scheduled blogcast....

I love coffee shop acoustic performances, especially if all it is a guitar and a voice, maybe a guitar, another guitar, and two voices, plus a djembe...but that's it...well maybe a guitar, and another guitar(both acoustic) two voices, a djembe, and a piano thats played on slow sad songs, but thats all I need...
but anyways I love the beauty in the simplicity...the rawness of a singer/songwriter letting the words and the instruments weave together stories, and feelings, making you happy, and sometimes sad...and that is why I love artist like eric peters...who by the way I got to see twice over the past two weeks, one time it was even free...although it cost me precious sleep....but I love the authenticity of a simple stage act, hearing the backstories on the songs, the artist who is unafraid to let people see into thier life full of skeletons and simple pleasures, struggles and triumphs, victories and defeats...plus I have always(well since I started to realize I could actually play the guitar, correction actually attempt to play the guitar) wanted to do what the indie singer/songwriter does, I leave every concert thinking man I could so do that....so in closing if you get a chance which if you live in tx, won't be for awhile go and see eric peters live, in the meantime go to his website, and buy stuff....

wow...none of that was very funny.........wmart interlude....Yesterday morning I had a gentleman come and ask for the location of a paticular card, which I promptly showed him, and he proceeded to buy this card, which he then asked do you know how to put this thing on my phone...at which point I sighed, because in all reality, prepaid phones are not my responsibility, it is solely the customers....for perspective it would be like a person buying a tv dinner and then taking it to a cashier and saying "can you cook this for me?", but since I work in the "special" connection center(which most people mistake as an information booth), its these very types of questions i get asked.....and I said yes I do...but its real easy you call the 1800 number and follow the instructions...and he was like ok...I will try, but i will bring back in if I have any problems..so he leaves, cause his cell phone is in the car, and not five minutes later he shows up, cell phone and card in hand.....and I wanted to be like " come on man, you didn't even try!!! you go home and try it and I will help you then...I mean he didn't even open the card and scratch off the silver stuff to see the number...but I didn't, I just put the card on the cell phone........I guess it goes to prove give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for life....give a man a cell phone, make your job ten times harder....

Star Wars: May the farce be with you

2005-04-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

Ok normally I wouldn't be down on people who like star wars, cause I happen to be one of those people but seriously, after witnessing this with my own two eyes I am not sure I can be anyway but down on them...So apparently wal-mart, kodak, hasbro, and the entire nation of star wars conglomerates gets together and does this big radio ad, about getting to take your picture with darth vader, now I didn't hear the ad...but as best I can tell, this is what it had to say, based on the peoples reactions to darth vader being a cardboard cut out with a place for kids to talk throuhg a voice changer........................"SATURDAY!!!!SATURDAY!!!!SATURDAY!!!!....come see darth vader with real working light saber, get your picture taken with him as he mercilessly force chokes a hapless wal-mart employee....and get your own free working death star.........

Now like I said I didn't actually hear the add, but these people and I am talking sixty year old guys were coming in and I got to witness a manager get bawled out because darth was just a cardboard cut out....ok, so here is the nerdy part I totally would have dressed up as darth if they had wanted me to...but noooooooo, santa was the only offers I get...oh well.....

On a sad note, the great comic Mitch Hedberg passed away in his hotel room on thursday.........so I was a little sad and depressed this past weekend...man mitch, chris farley, the funny people always die young......which is why I am going to try and be more serious...course the fact I don't drink or do drugs might help out more than anything.....

two blogs for the price of one

2005-03-24T22:31:00.000-08:00

ok so it was a cruddy week...maybe even a cruddy month...but there is at least one high light and that was getting to see kings of convenience at the gypsy tea room with my friends jeremy, jeff, kyla and john....yep I have a heavy j group of names and friend...hmm...maybe some scientist should do a study about names begining with j and why i have a lot of friends who have j names....so me and group j and kyla went to see this band I had never heard, but it was a good time except for the fact that we had to stand up for nearly four hours with each hour becoming more painful and unnerving....so here is my experience summed up by hour....
hour 1 : we show up early to get good seats....errr...spots on the floor to stand in, and the waiting begins...we were only an hour and 15 minutes early not too bad...so we stand and talk and wait for the show begins.....hour 2 : the show begins people begin to press towards the stage, standing room is still comfortable, but its a bit cramped, with not much room to move, but still ok...
hour 3:the koc come on and now everyone wants to be close...and if you wouldn't know it some tall guy is standing behind me, breathing down my neck, and I think I am starting to wish I was claustrophobic and had a good reason to scream and run out crazy, but instead I stood there and my legs and back began to get stiff
hour four: sure torture...neck hurts, people are smoking and blowing the smoke into the back of my head, i am tired and I don't want an encore...I want an easy chair...so I have decided next time, if ever I go to a standing room only concert I am taking spikes that are on my elbows and back and front, and can be sheathed as well as have spring activated deployment....and a ladder to set up on...above everyone else....

nonetheless buy kings of convenience's cd or at least go to thier website and listen to thier music...

blog blog blogging away

2005-03-24T22:19:00.000-08:00

ok...so i read this guys bumper sticker the other day and it said(no lie) : only tyrants and criminals are afraid of honest citizens with guns.....and I began to think about the implications of this statement cause to be honest with you I am afraid of "honest" citizens with guns...and so I guess I am a criminal...cause I don't think I could pull off the tyrant act(BOW BEFORE ME, and give me your guns....) but I just can't really think of a conversation that ends well with..." good thing you had your m16 or ak47 on you...I mean seriously, if our army loses we are out of luck...the other line you will never hear is...well they killed all the marines, and rangers but they couldn't fight off those well armed citizens...now don't get me wrong I am not against hunting weapons and stuff... I mean I have actually hunted and killed poor defenseless creatures and enjoyed it...especially eating the poor defenseless creatures...but I don't feel safe that average joe can own a semi or automatic weapon..there is no need ...I haven't ever killed a deer...i used to hunt deer, cause they are my favorite poor defenseless creature to eat...I did shoot at one...about four times, and I missed each time...but I don't know which is more stupefying...the fact that I kept missing or the fact that the deer kept standing there....I mean lets face it...if you get a couple of shots off and the deer doesn't flinch it needs to be killed, it has the survival instincts of a rock...

How much I payed in electricity for last month

2005-03-12T22:32:00.000-08:00

$5.39

Random Musings

2005-03-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

Art
I have a friend who is going to art school, well I have a two friends who are going to do art or some form of it for the rest of thier lives, but the thing is I don't get art...I mean it could be that because I am amazed by christmas lights, especially the blues ones that flash...oohh...flashy blue things...but really I mean art today is either pointless or beautifully rare in quantity...for example the other day I was walking through the ritzy mall in dallas, I was pretty sure that we were gonna get thrown out cause I was in a tshirt and jeans and my friend wasn't exactly dressed to the t, and if they didn't throw us out I was pretty sure they were gonna charge us for breathing thier air, and there was only one bathroom in the whole place, which makes me come to the conclusion that rich people don't have to go to the bathroom very much, and I also always wondered what it takes to be a security guard...and do people aspire to be one, like they are kids and some one wants to be a fireman and someone wants to be a mall security guard..hey I'm not hating, I work as a cell phone salesman and I didn't ever dream about that, but I am just saying, is there some kind of place you go to get trained to gaurd malls, cause most of them have those funny looking cars you drive around the parking lot and do you have to have a special liscence to drive those? so art...in the mall there was a lifesized sculpture of a guy in three diffrent positions, i guess it was three sculptures, but I was all like awww come on thats not art, I mean its a guy in three diffrent positions laying down, crouching and standing...it took no skill, no thought, it wasn't beautiful, and it meant nothing to me...and I guess that is the clincher, I want art to have a meaning I can either understand, or cause something in me to form my own meaning, attach my own ideas to it...but instead here I am staring at a faceless guy in three diffrent positions..and I declared it wasn't art....but then again I am uncultured and uncouth...so maybe my art opinion doesn't weigh in all that much...

speaking of weighing, in jack johnson is buff...I was watching his video the other day and I was like man look at that dude, he's ripped, I mean cause for the most part guys who sing songs about love and play the acoustic guitar, I can size'em up and take em(cause they are skinny girlie men)...but not jack johnson, I figure if we meet in a dark alley its about an even draw....

I hate coffee... I think its because it tastes so horrible but people ignore that fact and just keep on drinking it, and its like an exclusive club, ohh you don't drink coffee, well you are wierd, or they are like don't worry one day you will, but I tasted it once, black, and it was horrid, i wanted to spit it out, and people tell me, ohh, well you gotta get used to the taste, or you gotta add cream, sugar, milk, chocolate, and other various paraphenelia...and I am like, no...if you have to work at something to make it good, then its not good...the work you did cancelled out any goodness that occured, and so I am back to zero and was better off not working so hard to make something I didn't like in the first place taste good...

CHAI TEA RULES!!!!

curse you gavin degraw

2005-02-22T20:55:00.000-08:00

ok for this to make any sense many side stories will have to be told but hey..you aren't going anywhere anyway.......not that I am saying anything I write has to make sense..but I feel like it should...at least to those deranged enough to get it.....hehe

side story#1 I work in the connection center and next to it they have recently moved in big screen tvs with all the hd you could ever want...and the cost of these things is tremedous...I could buy several small cars and still come out ahead....**and I don't think I need that which is not reality made to look more real...don't we have enough problems distinguishing between the two...hmmm....but thats hd's claim to fame making tv clearer, brighter, and more realistic.....i have really never sat down and said man that was a good show...i just wish the colors and images were brighter and clearer...man then it would have been great.....**
and on these tvs they show this continous 15-20 minute add of some of the greatest and latest music...and it repeats all eight hours I am there....and this has only been going on for a few days..but I am already lobbying for a change and the main reason is that one of those videos is....you guessed it gavin degraw "i don't wanna be" and the song isn't that bad but its his face...or the face he makes at the end of the spot that I can't stand...its like he has his mouth open singing and his lips move up in like a sneer(which I think is supposed to be debonair, but really just makes me want to hit the tv)
side story#2 there are many things in life which are driven by our instincts for example this is how modern day fisherman catch bass on lures....cause they literally tap in to the fish instinct to strike a certain color, movement, flash, or smell....it the works the same way with me and the gavin look....i see it and I want to hit it...but here's the deal I can't not look at it...I have to look at it cause I want to know what he thought he was doing....and try and figure out why he bothers me...
so three or four times an hour I hear his music start to play and I just turn and watch and wait for the look...cause I am like some instinctual fish waiting for the lure...wishing I could resist...but knowing I can't ......

curse you davin degraw....curse you

http://k9care.com/loriweb/Gavin%20Degraw%20002.jpg

Hub---ris

2005-02-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, today I managed to run over a piece of interesting cap paraphenlia.....a plastic hub cap....it was a slomo moment as I saw it pop off and still roll up right at my tire ,and I thought what in the world, and then pop...as i looked back the plastic was no more and I had successful scored 50000 points for hiting a moving hub cap....its what its worth....look it up if you don't believe me...but my main concern is for the guy and his hub cap...cause you know any day now he is going to go look at his tire and be like....who stole my hub cap? and why did they only take one...and he will probably get mad and blame it on those dang kids...cause if we learned anything from scooby doo its those darn kids are always getting in the way...

anyways a link.....to updated photos

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/paulmat4/album?.dir=/3532&.src=ph&.tok=phPUBkCBAWgLpo.E

Wedding

2005-02-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

ok...its offical I have now been to two weddings in my whole life one I was a groomsmen and saturday I performed the ceremony....so yeah...but the good thing is i really enjoyed it...the funniest part is the story of me finding the place that was twenty minutes away..my trip only took me and hour and fifteen minutes which i guess is pretty good time....actually I am the worst at finding my way around places by following maps...seriously if you give me landmarks then I am good...well, I am the second worst the worst is my friend jeremy....if I have been somewhere I pretty much can find my way especially if I was driving...he on the other hand..has been to my house five times and still can't find it without a few turn arounds and a tour of down town fort worth...but hey..its all good.....so i am driving and I get on the road and even take the right exit and I drive down it a little ways and I am like....no this can't be right so i start backroading it...but you see in big towns there are no backroads...on suburban areas and so eventually I come to a big highway and recognize sort of where I am at and turn left....and go a little ways, until eventually my pride breaks down and I pull into a gas station a seven eleven even...and do one of the smartest things I have ever done...bought a map...and then asked for directions...which after i looked at the map realized were both wrong and pointless...the guy would have been better off just going....welp, git back thar on the road and go north aways..and then when ya feels like it ....head left....I mean I'm not bitter...just saying...this is why I don't stop and ask directions...cause they don't know where I am going either...so finally after passing the road and turning around I backtrack and search for southlake blvd but you know what..in keller its not called southlake blvd...its called keller blvd...and somehow...by some lucky guess I decided to go left down keller blvd and drove...and drove...until I got to a street that was on the map and i was like crap i guess I will go north here and just as I turn I look up at the street sign and low and behold.....the street I was on was southlake blvd....and I could have jumped for joy....so I got back on the street I was on and headed to my destination...showing up just in time for rehersal....which is good...cause I was kinda playing an important part....so the moral of the story is this...don't let me guide you there....and don't ask for directions...unless they are qualified...and working at a gas station is a automatic disqualification in my book from now on............

Best Valentines Day ever

2005-02-14T23:06:00.000-08:00

Ok so for those of you who don't know valentines day is not about love...nope....its about having the day off from work and getting to go fishing in the middle of february in beautiful tx weather which required no coat, hoody. or toboggin(that thing on your head).....that's right...that's what its all about.....but Paul you say, you could do that on any other day....but hey the same applies to anything you do relating to your special someone, but you don't, so hmmmm.....

anyways I woke up yesterday morning about 8:30 cause that's what time my internal alarm is set for...I just wake up...and I drag myself out of bed cursing that I can't sleep in any more....I mean seriously in high school....days off I could sleep in to 12 maybe even 1 with no problems...not anymore eight thirty rolls around and my body is like....yo....time to get up.....doesn't matter what time I go to bed.......and I do my usually ritual of checking my email and what not...and then the phone rings...and I run downstairs to answer it...or at least see who it is...and right at the time I get there it stops...and I am like figures...so I walk back up to my computer and continue checking things out... the phone rings again and this time being bitter about the last time I didn't bother....but the answering machine did...and it was my dad...and so i promptly called him back on my cell phone...which was conviently located next to my computer...and he was like...you wanna go fishing and I was like yeah....

so after two hours of driving to a piece of land that my uncle owns which has a personally stocked fishing tank(ok for those of you who don't know, a tank is a body of water, created by man, usually bigger than a pond, and mostly used as water for cows and what not, oh yeah and fishing....really good fishing....cause on a lake the deeper water isn't always accessible, but in a tank..you chances of catching fish greatly increase) so we arrive I get out my pole, my dad is like here use this lure, cause he had some success with it, and so I placed it on my line ....reared back...cast it out...started to reel it in ....and whoa...if you didn't know it...there was a fish on my line...that's right one cast one fish...thats good...of course it went down hill from there...although my dad did manage to catch three more..i was shut out after that.....

so there you have it sitting out in a boat in the middle of a tank catching some sun ....that is the way to spend valentines day.....

Wasp Slayer!!!!

2005-02-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

That's right all hail me....the slayer of beasts and flying insects...no wasp will creep into my home again without experiencing tribulation and great fear for his/her/its life...not fifteen minutes ago as I sat down to write a letter to my friend I was dive bombed by a yellowjacket, obviously after intially reconnisance it noticed i had no shoes or a hat on so I was without my main offensive weapons....my best defensive ones including my twitch speed reactions and awesome agility never leave me though so I was able to avoid his intial strike.....well ok, it landed on the back of my shirt...and then hit the ground....so I using my strong mental prowess grabbed a flat object to step on it and ends it life...unfortunately i didn't step hard enough.....and just managed to really piss it off....and so it flew up and around attacking my chandelier which with the exposed wiring I was hopeful it would electrocute itself...but alas it didn't so I swung at it with my flat object...striking the chandelier more than it....and oddly making the bulbs shine brighter....and so it flew around some more....before coming to rest again on the aforementioned chandelier....and I swung again and missed...and the lights became dimmer and it flew around some more.....and came to rest next to the chandelier...so I climbed on a chair and with a sweeping motion swept it off the cieling...and lost track of it...but apparently the blow was enough to stun it as he lay unmoving on the floor a few feet away...so this time I pressed really hard and didn't really accomplish much that i could see..but i picked it up with a paper towel and threw him into a trash can and gave it the beat down with a roll of paper towels.........

all hail Paulus the Wasp conquerer

Is this thing on??????

2005-02-12T18:04:00.000-08:00

Ok man so its been more than a month since I have posted anything....for some reason I have gone into technology withdrawal...I don't think I've written or checked email for over a week....

anyways.......I hate alarm clocks......mainly cause I like to sleep in, and the alarm clock in the antithesis of that, its full purpose is to keep me from sleeping in...now I don't think the the alarm clock in and of its self is evil...only the purpose it was created for...to keep me from blissfull sleep in blissfull dreams....of course on the flip side it gets me to work on time...well usually which is really what this story is about...its all about the snooze button...because apparently my body can function in that leeway of sleep and awake to hit the snooze button three or four times...which means about thirty to fourty extra minutes of sleep....but my body also has somewhat of an alarm...which doesn't work all the time but its the worst feeling in the world.....the best way to describe the transition would be like in the movies when they do that slow motion effect and everything goes blue and sound kinda distorts and becomes a low murmur and then snap realtime is restored and chaos ensues....yep happens to me every now and then when I wake up and realize I've slept in...I don't know how I do it ....its the only time my body and mind can tell time...anytime else and there isn't a watch or clock around I am out of luck.... but I can look at the amount of light outside and my mind is like hahahaha yep loser you slept in..so I roll over check my alarm and realize my mind hates me, but is correct..... and reality crashes in and my body shifts into overdrive, starts considering alternatives..can I go back in time...teleportation...stoppage of time....and of course...dang I gotta take a shower...and throw some clothes on....then I get to drive to work which is ok...I mean I get to jam to tunes for half an hour or so...but i get to work clock in and work with a you guessed it tracfone prepaid wireless customer whose phone wouldn't work....which it makes it officially the most hated wireless company that I deal with...and that's a hard race to win...but congrats.....so after two hours of talking to tracfone...including dealing with people who can't really speak english, a customer who yelled because he couldn't wait the five days that the tracfone was going to take to get there, including one memorable line about someone eating the phone he brought in before he left, even if it was a security guard...and returning and reselling and returning a cell phone...it finally all got worked out...

but you know what?
its all good ....cause then my main manager came over and was like I need you to take out a send out booth and break apart and throw it away....so I was gonna get paid to tear stuff up....and that's awesome.....so me and the one other guy that works in the photo/wireless department...who talks about blowing the lab up, and finds the colors red and pink soothing, go and start our project...and it goes well until we discover the signage is not compatible....so now do I not only get to destroy stuff I also get to used power tools...and drill in the new(slightly used) drop box...and then we drug the other out and threw it in a dumpster...and discuseed the great sport of dumpster diving....which if you have never tried you should....its better than a scavenger hunt.....

and so as the day went it came out as average...starting bad and ending on a higher note
hope you people are doing swell

PT

a trip into my kitchen....

2005-01-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

ok so before I go any further here is the object lesson you need to learn...shells good .....water bad.....

learn it...study it....put it into practice.....

ok so for the first piece of evidence for you to enjoy...I am a single guy...so I don't really cook all that much...cause well its not all that fun to cook for just yourself...but there is one meal that I really love...and that is shells and cheese....yes it has to be shells...no macoroni is not just as good...I don't know why...it is just that cheesy shells are better than any other pasta in the world...to quote a dear friend...they just put more good in them....its just a simple matter of fact.....

so back to the original point....shells good...water bad...in order to mold the wonderful shells into an eatable substance you must first boil them in water...which is a pretty basic process..since I have procured a sauce pan...and my kitchen sink graciously provides me with water to boil by....but the issue is when the boiling has done its work...the water is no longer has its use....as a matter of fact its down right annoying...because the water senses it purpose is fufilled it turns to obstinatently not leaving the pan...no matter how careful you tip the pan...with much angle and even if you hang your tongue just right...it just doesn't happen...some shells go down with the water.......

ok for all you people who are thinking...who is this guy? doesn't he know they make a special tool to do all this with no hassle....of course I know that...but just because I know that doesn't mean I own one...I mean come on...I am single...the fact that I have and use a sauce pan is a notch on most other single guys out there...so I don't have one........

refocus...shells good...water bad...so lately I have just been putting paper towels over the drain and that has been working out ok...but its kinda a waste of paper towels...so tonight I got inspiration...as I looked around my kitchen for a tool to use to separate the shells from the water...when what did my wandering eye light upon...but none other than your ordinary plastic grocery sack....oh sure, to you it may be an ordinary grocery sack...but to me its a disposable strainer...simply poke holes in the bottom for easy water departure and enjoy your shells...so I guess I am going to do what people with all great inspirations about new kitchenware do...and that is to have an infomercial.....I can hear it now...

***Tired of bulky strainers filling your cabinets? Can't afford professional quality strainers..but still love the goodness of cheesy shells? Have some extra money laying around and need to send it to me? Then have I got a great new product for you...........

Paul Tanner is now selling his great new invention the disposable strainer for only 29.99 ...thats right thats only twenty nine easy payments of one dollar over the next twenty nine months....how have you lived without this? How can you live without this? Plus if you order now, we will send you this automatic hole creator for free ...thats right but not only does it create holes but it works just like a knife and cuts things as well......but hurry supplies are limited and may run out.....
****
and then there would be sincere testimonies on how the disposable strainer changed real peoples lives and probably a "professional cook" and maybe even a celebrity.....
and if thats not enough I'm not even gonna charge ya the 99 cents....but thats because I hate change....

so there you have it shells good...water bad...buy my new invention...hurry the clock is ticking.......

2005-01-07T18:56:00.000-08:00

ok one more try

well this is me with long hair....which I don't really have anymore...its much shorter than that...but who knows? I haven't cut it in awhile maybe I'll just grow it back out.....hmmmm.....

my dad just doesn't get me

2005-01-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

ok here is another circumstance that forms another verse to that great hit from will smith parents just don't understand.....

I am currently in the process of getting high speed internet, which in passing I mention this to my father .....i guess this would be a good place to let you know i don't turn on the heat or ac in my apartment...my theory is you can always put on or take off clothes, so I don't spend the time and waste of electricity....so back to the story at hand...so my dad is like you won't turn on the heater...but you're getting high speed internet..hmmmm.....really I don't see the logic in his argument here....its just two totally unrelated topics....besides no matter how many layers of clothes I put on or take off....my internet never speeds up.....seriously...

I drove a wal-mart cart today....it wasn't really the glorious experience I thought it would be....apparently I choose the broken one, and forgot to unplug it from the wall in any case...so I guess the guy who usually drives the carts job is safe for now.....

Hurrah for the first post of the new year....Happy New years everyone!!!!!

So you wanna sell cell phones?

2004-12-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, here it is, my final straw....the breaking of the camels back if you will........

Tonight I had to help a customer with a prepaid cell phone because they couldn't get the minutes on it, unfortunately from time to time we have had problems with this so I began to question him as to what seemed to be the problem, to which he replied well I called this number and no one answered, and then he went online, and it just didn't work so they, told him to go back to where he got......he thinks.....and so he arrives, with his friend and mom in tow, the mom, not happy cause the phone and the card they bought is apparently not working.....and so the mom is like, why doesn't this card work? and I am like, I don't know, although I am ruggedly handsome, and seem to know everything(mild exaggeration) I can't discern what is wrong with a)either the phone, b) the card, or c)you and your son.....unfortunately as I soon discovered the asnwer was c.....
which brings me to my final thesis, which is, if you cannot work the device you own, at the simplest of levels, you should not be allowed to own it....so if the world was run by me, this kid would have had his cell phone privleges revoked...thats right I would be a cell phone nazi......no cell phone for you!!!!!!!!

to end the story, I simply called the number, and after waiting two minutes on hold talked to the customer service guy, entered the code and got it to work.....its just not that hard, people, its just not that hard.....

Randomness abounds

2004-12-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

Random but true....

people who I don't know leave messages on my answering machine...even though my message clearly states my name is Paul and I don't sound like opal, or imajean or whoever you think I am.....example... beep ....Mom, this is opal, I need you call me back this is important.....or the other day I got somebody else but I can't remember the message...but seriously, why would you leave the message...in hopes I might know the person and deliver it...hmmmm....although this is not too far from the truth cause apparently the fedex guy thinks I work for him....I was leaving my house to go grab some food, when I look down and he had pushed a package envelope underneath my door, even though the address clearly said 816 which is not even close to my appartment other than it shares a few similar digits...so I did the right thing and used it for kindling in my fire place....well ok I delivered it, but I am calling fedex and requesting pay for my services....

and on that note, yesterday I had to go to work at 8 o'clock in the morning but the schedules have been changed cause we keep losing people in our section so I wasn't really scheduled, so I have to get a member of management team to override so I can swipe my badge and get credit for my work...so I accomplish this as a manager hands his badge to a manager trainee and as the manager trainee swipes the badge so I can swipe mine...he looks at me and says...are you scheduled to work today? .....hmmmm....well ok...nope....I just love coming to work at 8 in the morning and I thought man I really want to go to work, and so here I am, or maybe he thought I was just guessing, I don't really know my schedule, but I guessed I would work today, I guessed wrong but I am here so I might as well clock in and start working...cause I would rather be doing that then getting extra hours of sleep....

oh and have a merry christmas in case I don't post between now and then....

Santa is fake/dead

2004-12-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

A christmas parable/parody

Twas a few weeks before christmas
and all through the mart
people were pulling and pushing thier carts
The prices were falling, my patience was too
I think that was when I became unglued

The mirror was mocking my scary visage
As I thought of all the dignity that was lost
I pulled on the beard with its elastic straps
and finished the outfit with one of those famous hats

Out of the bathroom door I clamored
to the oohs and ahh of coworkers enamored
I grumbled and groaned and continued on
hoping somehow the people had all gone

An easy chair my only comfort
as I settled down to four hours of torment
the first one came to sit on my lap
and to have a photo as easy as a snap

My beard was all itchy, my hair in my eyes
I was bewildered by many of the childrens cries
I laughed and I smiled, but all they could see
was massive white hair that scared even me

It was the fourth hour and all I could take
I should have stopped but now its too late
I jumped from my chair, my hair was awry
I begin to yell, I begin to cry

I can't take it anymore, all you people in this store
I won't do this, I won't suffer this chore
I slung off the suit and the hair quickly flew
and I began to spread the awful news

You thought I was real, you thought I was great
but I tell you now its too far, its too late
All you people standing in shock, mouths agape
Santa isn't real, thats right, santa is fake

I am tired and I quit, no more photos for this kid
thats when they began to whisper oh no he's flipped his lid
I began to run, to find my escape
only to find the doors were locked, and they had barred the gates

I gave up then and there, knowing I was lost for sure
And the people came, hoping to find a cure
Candy canes, christmas trees and reefs they brought
this will surely give him christmas spirit they all thought

Into to a ball, I did go, hoping my fear and trembling did not show
Santa no more would i be, Santa to someone else the job must go
It was at this point I awoke from my dream, my alarm in my ear
As I looked at the screen, then and there began my fear....

Three more hours to the store would I go
To dress up as santa for the kids a show
Is there a way out, my mind I will loose
I pushed my fears away rolled over and hit the snooze

Death wish

2004-12-13T20:24:00.000-08:00

Ok so I am driving down I 35 south and I get passed by this pick up and I glance over and the guy is talking on the cell phone with one hand, and smoking a cigarette(which at the time he was holding out the window, that was barely cracked and I guess driving with his knee, and to top it all of he was speeding going about 80 and I thought to myself .......this guy really has it in for himself.... I mean its like the fact that you are probably going to get lung cancer(just takes too long) and talking on a cell phone(not nessecarily dangerous, not nessecarily safe) and speeding .... I call this the triple threat.....all he needed to do now was swerve into and out of lanes in front of eighteen wheelers...it just continues to explain to me how people can have wrecks on straight stretches of highway with no intersections, stop lights and mostly void of dogs and cats...now if you will excuse me I am going to go shave, cook supper, and calculate the theory of relativity..mostly while driving down I 35...look out for the green swerving truck with the smoke from the frying pan....its just not safe people......

well crap

2004-12-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

i thought one didn't post dangit ....oh well they both have thier funny moments you decide which one is funnier.......so yeah there

so you wanna be santa

2004-12-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

Dang it I wrote a way funnier post but I didn’t go across the web so it floats somewhere in the unconsciousness of the internet, lurking silently and perhaps never to be unearthed...oh well here goes So YOU wanna be santa...take 2
I work in cell phones which at WAL-mart for all intents and purposes is in the same division as photo lab, so its just as likely to find me on the photo side of things selling cameras...so this Saturday and next Santa is coming to the store and all kids of all ages get to have their picture taken with him...all the store needs is that silly foolish buffoon who would volunteer to be Santa....in walks ME....
Unfortunately, it wasn’t such an option cause the only other guy that works in the area scares most adults not to mention kids...and explosions and blowing up the photo lab didn’t seem to be a proper conversation for santa to have....I mean I don’t see why not..but other people(the ones in charge do)...so first I was told by co-workers you are gonna be Santa and then asked to be by the manager and I thought "why not"
Reason 1: As a kid I hated santa...I feared his presence and entered it only with screams, kicks and even a little biting....if we even headed that way in the mall during Christmas season I was ready for the fight of my life...even if we weren’t going to see santa...I didn’t wanna go near him....so is this like some sort of poetic justice...shouldn’t I automatically be disqualified from being santa....or is this like some kind of Christmas penance I have to pay for my hating on santa in my childhood
Reason 2: Beard Management....I have a college degree...but so far I am pretty unsuccessful at operating a beard...one elastic string and a lot of hair,,,though you wouldn’t think it needs an instruction booklet..or at least drawings...so basically I need to go to a santa remedial class...and now take out your beard placing the elastic string at the perfect angel .....hmmm, maybe I could like teach that, but mostly I would suggest doing double sided duck tape for the beard....either way I suddenly become a mass of hair...no wonder kids hate santa...you can’t see his mouth, and he talks out of this like mountain of hair...man I freak out when people do that....I may cry with the kids tomorrow...
Reason 3: ok this is not a reason it was a thought that came to me as I was zipping up my santa coat(pre photo trial) do you guys still have coats with zippers on them? I mean I remember them as a kid...line up the tab thingy.....zip up hoping nothing gets caught...like stray pieces of coat or shirt... I don’t own a zipper coat anymore...I graduated to buttons...its kind of like not having velcro on my shoes...but on the other hand I rarely tie my shoes or button up my coat...so hmmmmm....

So yeah tomorrow I will become famous as santa taking my place in somebodies memories in a photo album and in children’s nightmares for years to come....

so you wanna be santa

2004-12-03T20:02:00.000-08:00

ok...this one is a goof on me, and I am ok with that cause its good for the old ego to be laughed at once or twice....so here is the deal...earlier in the year...well four weeks ago anyways..my manager came to me and said"hey, do you wanna be santa this year?"....of course, I had already been told by my coworkers that since the other male who worked in the photo lab was a bit sketchy(sure he talks about fire, dexterity and blowing up the lab, explosions in general) and would probably rather not talk to the kids, I was going to be santa claus and so I thought well...why not?

well here are a few reasons....pre cursor to the reasons I will have tommorrow night after the whole ordeal is done with....well half way.....i gotta do it next saturday...

Reason 1 : it doesn't matter who you are santa's are freaky, and scary especially to little kids...I was one of those kids who screamed and kicked and generally hated santa...as a matter of fact when in the mall we started to head that way, whether or not I was going to be handed over to the jolly man...i started to kick and scream( is this poetic justice, shouldn't I be automatically disqualified...or is this some kind of punishment)

Reason 2: beard management....I can't grow a beard and I certainly can't pull off an elastic one...it covers my mouth and when I talk y0u can't see my mouth move...hello freaky and hair tastes bad...synthetic or real...not supposed to go in the mouth...heck I didn't even dress up for halloween this year...so costumes...not my area of expertise....

Reason 3 : Ok this isn't a reason three but more of an observation...do you guys wear jackets with zippers on them? I mean I did as a kid, where you had to line up the little tab and then zip up the coat and hope that nothing got caught in the zipper, like pieces of shirt or coat....I don't have any more zipper jackets...I moved on up to buttons....its like no longer having velcro on my shoes...even though for the most part I don't tie my shoes...for that matter I don't usually button up my jacket...so both my shoelaces and buttons are there for looks ....

However I am happy to discover that I am standard santa size...cause I looked in the costume and it says standard size....so maybe I should just go with the flow...I mean if the belt
with the huge gold buckle fits i guess you gotta wear it.....
I am getting paid, not enough mind you, but i am getting paid...and I will be in hundreds of peoples photo albums not to mention many a kids nightmares....ohhh...sweet justice

christmas music and the evil that it represents

2004-11-27T21:23:00.000-08:00

ok here is the deal straight up...christmas evil is not evil in and of itself but combine it with radio stations and there the axis of evil is created...why you ask? well let me tell you...radio is evil...I hate it...stations play the same song, artist, or whatever over and over again...when really the musical choices are infinite...a cd has 10 songs usually....but only two really are ever played on the radio...which leads to ruining of good music, and also why you can't stand certain artist...man that band was cool....then they played them over and over on the radio....man i hate that band...so heres the deal....when radio stations do that with an infinite selection of music its scary ....but christmas music isn't infinite its finite....i would guess there are probably like maybe 40 christmas songs out there(mostly counting traditional ones, some new ones...most new christmas songs suck...cause they aren't traditional).....and the rest of the music is made up of different artist singing the same songs...over and over again...and as if that wasn't enough at the first of november one station started playing only christmas music...i won't glorify thier dial number but I will tell you its call letters are kvil....hmmm....one letter away from evil....coincidence? I think not

Things which have no need of improvement but somebody gets paid to impove it so I guess its gonna happen anyways

2004-11-19T22:25:00.000-08:00

My answering machine........

it has technological marvels that no man should have and its the cheapest one I can find....what does this lead to....the destruction of simple and easy electronic management, its why guys are famous for flipping through the channels...we don't need the complications of entering the actual numbers, it takes effort, brain cells, which could be used for something better, like storing useful sports trivia, and memorizing sports center after watching it for the third time straight....so back to my answering machine, I have no control over it... no lie...I can't erase messages...no serioulsy...it will erase them for me...when I get a new one...except for in my pursuit of pushing buttons trying to get the machine to erase the message(prior to reading the instructions), I think I actually saved it to the hard drive, and subsequently can't erase it....the problem is I want a big button labled erase, and then when I get a message.....well you know, I erase it...seems to me like a simple laid back, remote control-like experience...so you know what the problem is....the problem is that there is someone somewhere who's job is to improve the answering machine until out comes the perfect model, when really the perfect model was the simple one that was easy to operate, but in order to continue our strong economy there has to be a better....newer..prettier whatever....but not for me.....I just want one that will do what I tell it to...so I am thinking of hanging it out the window of my apartment until it falls in line....you never know what a good mafia threatening will do to improve the behavior of small appliances........

part two of things unnessecary

2004-11-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

I was in a burger king eating my tasty spicy chicken sandwhich when I key in on what is on the radio, its a bunch of talking and then I figure out its an actual how to program on setting up your direct-tv....why? why would you play this over a resturaunt loud speaker....associate:man, I am going to change the channel.....manager:wait, wait..this is where they talk about how to read your bill, its my favorite part.....

and finally Billboards advertising beer..........I have to drive on the highways(cause they get mad when you drive on the sidewalks) and I read billboards to pass the time and I pass one that is advertising some certain type of beer, but it makes no sense...let me describe it for you........on one side is a bottle of beer, on the other side is mostly the midsection of a woman...in the middle is the top of some guy in a stupid swimming cap, swimming...and at the bottom it says Your beer.....I have a feeling that its gonna take me longer to decipher that billboard than it took me to figure out geometric proofs(thanks to the fact that I was taught by a man known as chalk.....because he would get three fourths of the way through a proof and then erase the whole thing usually using his hand...thank you HHS)....so if anyone can explain this ad to me, please help...........

things which are unnessecary

2004-11-11T15:59:00.000-08:00

Hugh Grant is apparently unsatisfied with his career in acting, BOO HOO!!! I guess its hard to find a job which pays a million dollars and you enjoy, my suggestion for mr. grant ....highway construction worker specifically flagger .......

I was going through a taco bell drive thru and on the window it says "For your protection we have installed security cameras and a hold up alarm......and I am sitting there thinking.......my protection..hmmm.....nope thats not what they are for...I came to this concluscion after returning to a proper thinking state looked around and realized I was in a car...if I am in a drive thru, and somebody begins to rob the store, I don't need, extra protection, I will simply drive away at a speed that is faster than I would normally drive... the sign should read hey, if yoy are planning on robbing us, you are probably gonna get caught, what with the fact that we have cameras, and that alarm thingy...but if I'm working a drive thru and somebody comes to rob me, I think there is an easier solution, just step away from the window,.....now you see me.....now you don't, and then I would go on a fifteen minute break....

Taco Bell story number 2.....in a different location, they have trash cans which have speakers which actually say thank you when you throw away your trash... like the simple thank you written on every other fast food trash can in the world was not enough...perhaps people were going to this taco bell and then calling the manager and complaining that no one thanked them for throwing away thier trash, and so the taco bell brain trust got together and came up with talking trashcans....or maybe its one more sad indication that we can't even take the time to read a trash can lid, in the same sense we have removed mens and womens from bathroom doors and replaced them with skirted and nonskirted figures, but I mean what about people who wear kilts...wouldn't that be a bit confusing? I know it would....

Election .....Justice.......hmmm, ok no more justice titles

2004-11-01T22:17:00.000-08:00

ok so here I was in what has become my favorite fort worth area restraunt a little mom and pop chinese food restraunt called the Golden Bowl, and on the tv was cnn....so unfortunately I sat and watched for the first time a debate about the upcoming election between none other than al sharpton and some republican, who is not a character like sharpton is, and so I don't remember his name, and probably wouldn't recognize his face if I saw it again....but that is beside the point because out of all the other mess sharpton made one comment that stuck in my mind, and that comment continued to wander around in there, trying to find a place where it could fit and make sense or at least hide....but to no avail....and here is that comment "if Kerry gets elected, we will catch osama bin laden"......so I think for that to come true there are only a few options that will happen....
a)osama will finally realize that with kerry at the helm, the soldiers would suddenly have an edge and be able to find him, so he just gives up
b) kerry carries out the search himself, knife in teeth, rambo bandana and all
c)kerry uses the hienz ketchup dollars to fund mercenaries
d)kerry just decideds to bomb all the hills and mountains on the border of afghanistan and making it flat country, creating a new west texas, and you know you can't hide in west tx.....

ok, so yeah, thats my politcal post, here at this critical time......

oh and eat at the golden bowl china food restraunt if you get a chance, quite possible the nicest people in the world, I ordered my food, which is quite good, and I was half way done and the owner/cook came out to ask me how my meal was, and to offer me a free bowl of soup....I had to turn him down, either that or explode from being overcapacity....its located in richland hills near the northeast mall, off of grapevine road kinda of, but not really

vending machine justice

2004-10-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently my theme for awhile will be about justice, maybe tommorow I will write about dave justice and why I hated the braves and still do hate them.....but I digress....

the story really starts with a stamp....that was all I wanted one stamp, really it was all I needed....but I should have known today was going to be a bad day when I went to the atm and the machine literally spit the piece of paper that was my reciept out an onto the floor, which to no surprise, there was already a pile there building up....but suffice it to say mine was not added to that pile, no machine was going to get the best of me, no, I have opposable thumbs, someone similar to me built this machine and so I would have my reciept clean or probably because this was in wal-mart, with a little dirt on it........

ok back to the stamp, so also in the front of wal-mart is a vendng machine which doles out stamps, which as stated before was needed, so i put in my thirty cents and choose my single stamp, which of course was not enough, becuase stamps are thirty seven cents, but hey, its was an honest mistake, so I placed enough change in the machine for me to get my stamp and also collect my change, but when I reached into the change recptcale I noticed there was way more change there than I had placed in the machine.. up to like a dollar more, and man was I happy, so I collected the change, a few quaters, dimes and nickles and stuck them in my pocket****side note here I hate change....it jingles, it tries to come out when I reach into my pocket for my keys, or other items, I don't carry it around except when I recieve it, and then only until I can place it in my cup of storage, where it will sit unused until I run low on cash, **** side story to the side story, today a gentleman payed today using no less than eight quaters and elevn dimes, it took alot longer than if he had just handed me three dollar bills.***** so anyways unlike most of the rest of people I never have exact change, and I hate the dreaded 05, which means I get a huge amount of change back, can't we just work on a system of whole dollars, and forget stupid decimals*****ok, so anyway I take my change back to the break room, where there I want to buy some gum, cause I just got back from lunch, and I like to chew gum after lunch, so I place my money in the machine and press my letter and corresponding number and the machine goes to work and does this huge fake out, it lifts the gum up, tilts forward dropping nothing....nada....no gum.....so I just walk away from the machine, cause I figure we were even, sure I picked up extra money from one vending machine, and lost less than that amount in another, and so I didn't want to risk upsetting the delicate balance, and even more I didn't want to stop the inevitable and unavoidable vending machine justice

whale justice

2004-10-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

I know when I saw this story that one day I would have to write abot this, but unfortunately I didn't save the news link, so for those of you who don't know some dude from hawaii was suing the government for the whales to make them stop using sonar waves, because it makes the ocean noisy....and if you didn't know the judges say the whales have no right to sue...

ohhhhhhhhhh, so many diffrent ways to go here..........brain shutting down.................

ok, I'm back online.....whales can't sue? we had to go to court to decide that, I mean they could have called me up and I could have answered that question, no they can't sue, they can't even speak english, this is a politcal statement, but just like illegal aliens they don't get the rights that I pay for with my tax money unless they are paying money, its just the way america works...

but then I started thinking, maybe whales in a sense do contribute to the economy I mean I think we hunt them down and use thier body and inside for stuff like perfume and whaleskin boots, but which brings me to my next point, if I'm a whale, I'm less concerned about a little extra noise, than I am about the fact that there are people with huge spear guns hoping to end my life, and I if I was going to sue about something that would surely be my main concern....

and then I started thinking about what if other animals wanted to start cases, I think one that would have a good case would be lions, who are just minding thier own business hanging out killing a few gazelles, baby zebras, and then bam they get hit with a tranquilizer dart and they wake up in some cage and some guy named sigfried is trying to stick his head in your mouth and get you to jump through a fire hoop....I mean does that lion even get good lion benefits....I'm gonna talk to osha about that one........ it better have good dental coverage on that too....

How bout them packers??????

2004-10-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

nuf said..............man, I hope the cowboys figure it out...........

on to lighter subjects.........the other day in wal-mart I saw a girl wearing an old school texas rangers jersey, which just made me happy, but then she turned around and I saw that it was none other than a kevin elster jersey..yep, and that got me thinking.....which is never a good thing....but here is my thoughts about baseball and the rangers in general.......

ex-rangers who played or are still playing in the playoffs(not a complete list but just from my basic knowledge)

Gabe Kapler bosox, Ruben Sierra Yanks, Kevin Brown Yanks, Arod Yanks, Julio Franco Braves, Mike Lamb stros.... which really is neither here nor there but it got me started thinking so I am going to post my favorite rangers team(not the best mind you, but my favorite)

Cecil Espy - CF, Pete Inciviligia - LF, Ruben Sierra- RF, Steve Buechele - thirdbase, Jeff Huson - shortstop, Julio Franco - second base, Rafael Palmerio - firstbase, Gino Petrali - Catcher, Pitching staff included - Nolan Ryan, Charlie Hough, Kevin Brown, Bobby Witt, Kenny Rogers and Jeff Russell as a closer, circa 1990, like I say not the best but the one that I love from my memories.....so if you want send me your favorite rangers line up ....... or agree with mine or whatever.........oh yeah the rangers at one time had sammy sosa and jaime moyer, can you imagine an outfield consisting of Gonzalez CF, Sosa LF, Sierra RF.........man what if, what if

trying to keep the customers satisfied

2004-10-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

so ok here is a funny but frustrating story.........good to vent a little bit after a day like today..................

guy is looking at cell phone accessories....."can i help you sir?" looks up surprised, and then says "yeah I need to find a car charge for a six zero one zero nokeeeeaaaaa" I promptly pick up the right charger and show it to him, at the same time explaining that the box didn't have it written on there cause the 6010 was new, but it would still work.............he picks up the box looks at it..............."it doesn't say 6010 on the box"......."i think my charger at home is a tad bit shorter on the plug..........." " guess you guys don't have one...." to which I just said.......no sir, I guess not......
and walk away wondering if maybe I for a minute there spoke in another language, and most people could just naturally understand me, except this poor fellow, and then I realized since I have been out of hamilton for so long my redneck is a bit sloppy, and I should brush up on it.........which is why I went out and bought "Redneck for Dummies: a guide to redneck for the rest of us" and now I know I should have said, ....yep, now I know it don't sa'it on the box, but this one will be real nice with that new nokeeaaa you got there......un huh, I reckon.....booom....
and then we would have figured out we was brothers or cousins at least and had a good ole time reckollectin about the good ole days, followed by drinking beer, and maybe even shooting the cans off his back porch........

I'm back finally

2004-10-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

ok, so I know some of you guys have counted me out saying I have started to go the way of Fundy, but let me explain, I just finished moving the small amount of stuff that I do have into my new apartment and gotten plugged back into the real world (aka the internet) so for the enjoyment of the two people who actually read this..............and yes I am counting myself as one of those..............

wal-mart stories part two:invasion of the rednecks and buggy car pooling

so I am now offically a wireless rep, representing all kinds of good people including t-mobile, sprint, and cingular...but as many of you may know in order to recieve a cell phone you must first pass a basic credit test...in doing so you can avoid the dreaded deposit on the line...

so the other day in walks ..........I don't know lets randomly pick a name.....say Jeremy Mitchell(only in equal brain waves, not actual body prescence)........and he wants a cell phone, so after talking to him, and getting basic information I type it in and send it off........congradulations he is approved.......with a 750 dollar deposit......not to bueno....so after kindly informing the character of this, he gets a bit excited....and asks me to call cingular back and tell them that they can kiss his white a**(edited fo the chillins of course) .....and I really wanted to, because that would have possibly been the most entertaining thing to do.............yes, hello, yes I need to pass along a customers message about your credit check........and then hang up of course....

redneck story number two: I could bore you with the details just know that this man was disabled, (well he was riding around in a little cart) and he thought that the insurance company, or mabye "the man" was going to make him move, but he was going to have none of it...because this man had made a conscious decision and that descision was that he was not going to live anywhere he couldn't shoot beer cans off the back porch....maybe I just didn't pay close enough attention, or I didn't look at the right place but as I was searching for places to live never did i find this option, the ability to shoot beer cans never came up as an option or an attraction factor...maybe I was supposed to write that in, in some blank labled as other, regardless I just can't look at my apartment in the same light anymore...

I saw one of the most beautiful things in wal-mart on saturday, I saw an old people riding on cart convoy of three old people following each other in a straight line....I knew there was a reason to wake up and go to work that day......

Ok, here is the lowdown......From the vast spaces of my mind and or brain

2004-10-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Fanfare music... I mean come on you gotta have that seeing as how its my first blog post and all.......................

ok, here we go ................

many of you who drive, drive a vehicle, so you can feel me on this one...but I wanna know who came up with the check engine light.........I don't think its a good invention....I need a light that says if you don't get whatever is wrong fixed........ the engine will explode in x number of miles, and then I would drive around until I got to that number of miles that roughly would get me to the repair shop and take it in..........but no, I have to operate on the ambiguity....of the service/check engine soon light, which in my truck happens to come on if you don't close the gas tank properly, it also likes to come on at random times, only to turn off at a later date, even though I do nothing...and then a couple of months ago, my engine was making this awful rattling sound, but was the service engine soon light on..........................no of course not, why would it do its actual job, instead it just wants me to spend some time worrying about it, so now.. instead I view it as a friend, who stops in to say hi, every now and then...and kinda feel sad when I don't see him when I take a cross country trip............in the meantime I am waiting for a new warning light, perhaps one that says..............hey idiot, if you don't get this fixed right now, the car will break down.....and actually mean it.........kinda big to fit in the dash though........

fanstasy football revisted

2004-10-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

for background information here is a previous post on my fanstay football league page
by: Indiana Igniters (paulmat4)
Sep 27 8:50pm
I suck as a fanstasy football player............case in point what was my record last year....yeah nobody knows cause it was bad..........but this week tops the iceberg that broke the camels back........... 79 to 59...thats right my bench outscored my starters and had three less people to do it with...........why? because the minute I move somebody out of my starting lineup bam....they have a career game.....in this case javon walker.....what the heck? where was he the first two weeks...i know where he was on my starting lineup........hmmmmmmmmmm... no wonder he sucked......... so in closing if I was any good at this and optimized my players my final score could have been 118...but instead I find myself sitting in my room, with the lights out, rocking back and forth and writing hate mail to javon walker

****** ok, so did anybody catch the packers game last week, if you did then you realized the packers sucked......and favre got injured in the third quarter..........why did this happen? because favre and walker were in my starting lineup........so I just want to take this oppurtunity to apologize to all you people out there who are packers fans.....you won't be winning to much this season, cause dang it I am sticking with favre and walker to the bitter end, there is a good chance niether one of them will make it through the season........

Mitch Hedberg

2004-10-10T09:38:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is purely an informational post, if you don't know who Mitch Hedberg is then you need to find out, this dude could possibly be the funniest comedian that I have ever heard......I own both his cds and recently attended his live performance at the majestic in north dallas.......

so for your enjoyment here is a link to find out why you should know who this guy is

http://blog.erdener.org/archives/000243.php
http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/grampappyjoe/mitch.html

although I might add seeing him perform live, gives you much more insight into just who he is, so if you are ever watching comedy central and he pops on, don't change the channel and be prepared to laugh

Wal-mart stories(sure to be plenty of these in the future)

2004-10-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm walking back from the break room to the wireless kiosk(which at the moment is where I be working) and as I am walking past the shoes, this old lady on a motorized cart zooms out and slams into a basket full of stuff in front of me.......she looks and apologizes, saying something like "man these things really go, or something like that...........

but I just smiled, laughed and continued on my way, because the way I got it figured with age you got some inalienable rights....one of those being the right to drive around on one of those carts, and hey if you wanna ram stuff then more power to ya........when I get that age I hope that I can ride those carts, but by that time they ought to hover, and then I would go and get all my senior citizen friends and we would race carts up and down the aisle, and I would be allowed to cause I'm old, and you don't mess with old people, they do crazy stuff like write letters to the manager...........

on a creative roll here

2004-10-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

on the topic of useless information I will now sumbit for your enjoyment one of the most useless pieces 0f information .........................

the number of carbs in lite beers...............thats right my friends imagine this scenario if you will........... hey jimmy(fictional character who lives in sceanario) want to drink a lite beer with me...............Jimmy: sure, that sounds great.............oh wait, I just realized that this beer has too many carbs...I guess I won't be drinking it.........

hey I don't drink so I could be way off, but seriously..........to me billboards advertising that thier lite beer has less carbs seems to be missing the point...except for those of you who are working through the drink more beer to a better looking body plan( then go ahead count those carbs).....